Coach B’s Cliff Notes of “Set Boundaries, Find Peace”
Book: Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Author: Nedra Tawwab
Link to Order: https://amzn.to/4j3uv3v
People are going to test your limits…
I always thought I sucked at setting boundaries (and that’s partially true), so I turned to this book. See, I thought that boundaries always meant saying “no” more often (which I was not good at). But in fact, you can also block so much to protect yourself that you’re also setting a boundary that’s not healthy.
As an adult, who the heck really teaches you what healthy boundaries are and are not?! All I’ve ever heard is judgmental feedback, “You should really learn to say no” or “When will you learn?” but never any solid, actionable advice. Until now…
Boundaries are hard. You want to protect yourself but also want to take care of others. This is the perfect read for you if any of this is ringing a bell.
My takeaways from the book:
- Boundaries are going to create guilt in you. It’s part of the process. Don’t freak out and show yourself grace. Did I mention, it’s part of the process?
- Other humans will test your boundaries, so stay firm. It’s pretty much wired in them, so don’t get too upset. What you’re really trying to pay attention to is the people that hear and acknowledge your boundaries but continue to push you. Then it may be time to consider…
- Understand when it’s time to evaluate a relationship. Work with a therapist or coach, if needed, to prep you for handling those tough conversations and their impacts.
- Keeping people/things out can be as unhealthy as letting too much in. Know where to find your balance to protect your peace and energy.
- Be concise and direct, save sugar coating for candy. EX: “Not right now” does not mean “no”, therefore you cannot get upset when they come back asking if the time is right.
Which really got me thinking…
What makes boundaries so hard to set? What are we fearful of?
When have you experienced setting a boundary and someone not respecting it?
What do unhealthy boundaries cost our mental health? Our physical health?
Who should read this book:
- People who don’t understand that “no” can be a complete sentence
- People who feel constantly taken advantage-of
- People who feel guilty saying “yes” too much
- Anyone, really
In summary:
Through my coaching relationships, I have found that so many people struggle with setting and upholding boundaries. They want to people-please and help others, and in doing so, often create an environment where they are pulled in too many directions that they eventually lose who they are.
This is a tricky subject to dive into, but when we do, I can see people light up and the weight they have been carrying slowly drifts away. They learn how to analyze their boundaries, respect others, and communicate their needs in a way that offers protection and peace, for both parties.
Let’s talk – this is literally one of my most favorite things to better understand!
With empathy and non-judgement,
Coach B
